Win, Lose or Draw?
Here's the skinny on this situation. You have to understand that my actions (which I will tell you about in a minute) are a reaction from being sick and tired of particular people trash talking me. As you all know in my previous posts, I am dealing with my boyfriend’s crazy ex-wife. Mind you this woman has done alot and tore her family apart for this reason (see previous post). She thought the grass was greener on the otherside and has been in for a rude awakening ever since. You see the whole time Sean and I have been together she has done nothing but talk trash about me. Now, I'm the type of person that confronts an issue. If you say something about me, my family or my friends I will say something about it. If I have a problem that needs to be addreessed I take care of it. Well, due to the fact that she won't talk to me because I called her out on what she says, I decided to send her an email and set her straight on a lot things, including many items I've written about in my postings plus a whole lot more.
Well she decided to call Sean’s mom and go off on her about me and my sending that email. Sean’s mom got mad and called me pretty much telling me that I had no right to defend myself and I should have let it go. Then his mom start to scream about how she doesn’t like me because I am too straight forward and she finds that disrespectful. Well I let her say what she wanted without yelling at her. Actually out of respect that she is Sean’s mother I put her on speaker phone and walked away while she was yelling. When I heard her stop I asked her if she would let me talk and she started again so I walked away to get her son but she hung up by the time he got to the phone. She never once thought that I’ve been letting it go for the most part for almost two years and I had a right to defend myself. I plan on marrying this man someday and I wanted Tara (the ex-wife) to know that I’m not going to be pushed around, especially by a trashy person like her that really only got to where she is by…well you can use your imagination.
Well Sean’s mom then decided to send me an email since I didn’t listen to her on the phone and she said a lot things in it about me, which most of it is true but I am the way I am for a reason and that is I won’t let people walk all over me and no one will be able to walk all over Sean and maniupulate his kind heart. Now, here’s where the chaos starts. For some reason his mother and sister (yes now the sister is involved) called my parents. Mind you Sean’s sister only met me once so she had no business at all getting involved. His mother starts the conversation with my parent by saying “this isn’t about race”. Well, if it’s not about race why mention it? I mean did she think? For God’s sake I am 32 years old, I pay my own bills and I live about 2,000 miles from my parents? Did she expect them to call me and damand that I move (which is what his mother wants)? Did she expect my parents to tell me not to defend myself? Well thank God I have the parents I have and they challenged her acusations (where did she think I got it from?). Anyway, my mother is not the healthiest and I was pretty mad that she dragged my parents into this; however I still didn’t call her and tell her off because she is Sean’s mother. My mother asked that I just stay away from her. I asked my parents that if she calls again to to tell that they will be contacting their lawyer and sue her for harrassment. If his mother had ever taken the time to get to know me, she would have known that my family and I are very close and protective and the last thing she would ever be able to do was start trouble with me and my family. Unlike her, my parents are supportive in their children’s decisions. I left it alone and never did anything about it again out of respect for Sean.
Well after that I find out that Sean’s sister sent me an email and emailed it to his ex-wife acopy. It said that I wasn’t family and I needed to stay out of everything that is going on. What they don’t realize is everything that is going on is in our home not theirs and they should be the ones minding their business. That same day his mother sent him an email stating that he shouldn’t be with me because I am not white, he wouldn never be able to take me home to meet her mother and (get this) I would be a stone around his neck. I have an education, I work full time for the Federal Government (contract) and I attend a private university full-time. I’m the stone around his neck? Also, this hipocrit is married to a black man; talk about the pot calling the kettle black (no pun intended). So I am wondering at this point, is it still not about race?
I’m sure by now you wondering what Sean is doing. Well, Sean is now very mad. He feels that his family is taking his ex’s side so what does Sean do? He sends an email to both his mother and his sister and tells them to pretty much back off of me. That I had every right to defend myself and that they are not givng me credit for keeping my mouth shut as long as I did when it came to Tara (the ex) and her little pathetic antics of trying to get me out of the picture so she could get him back. He told them that Tara is NOT family and that she is nothing more than a co-parent and should be treated as such. Sean also told Tara that even if I wasn’t around he still wouldn’t want her back. So touche for Sean, I’m so proud of him (this is a big step for him, he’s the quite one).
Well this has been going on since Easter weekend and I am still not talking to his mother nor do I intend too, not without an apology from her for her words, actions and accusations. However, she feels like she owed an apology because the email I sent to Tara was out of line and contained things that she and Tara talked about. However, the way Sean and I see it, is that his mother had no right entertaining any conversations with Tara, especially since they never talked during their 10 years of marriage.
Well during this past week I have made ammends with his sister. After all she really only played a small part in this and my parents said that she was very respectful to them. She was only reacting on the tained and distorted informaiton she was getting from her mother and ex-sister-in-law. She apologized for what had happened and I explianed how I felt about everything so we are good.
Now my dilema is do I just stay away from his mother because she is a lying decieptful person or do I offer her the opportunity to apologize to me and let it go even though I think the worst of her and her motives? I mean here is where it stands. I don’t really care what she thinks about me but her son is caught in the middle.
The Case of the Ex
Okay so as I explained earlier, I am with this new boyfriend. The only thing that gets to be a real pain in the $@%! is that his ex-wife is a complete thorn in my side. Here's the 411 on that. Sean, was married to this woman for over 10 years and with her a total of 15 years. To make a long story short this woman left him for another man. Mind you they have a beautiful little girl who I absolutely adore. Anwyway, his now ex worked for a child welfare program down here in Florida while this whole thing was going on and she completely manipulate the system to get what she wanted. Since she deals with child welfare she went extenuating circumstances to make Sean out to be this terrible person and in the process has taken his daughter (who he took care of everyday after work) away from him. She not only did that but put a restraining order on him claiming that he is predjudice and violent and may harm himself or others. That ramification caused him to lose his guns (including paintball) and he missed out on hunting season. So I know many of you men out there can uderstand how devastating that is.
Let me tell you that he is non of those things. He is the calm one in our relationship and keeps me grounded. I have more a temper than he does and as far as the prejudice thing is concerned, well I'm not white. I am Guyanese and Indian, so obviously he's not prejudice...DUH!!! Well, after it was all said and done and she got her money and the kid, she decides to tell Sean that she did what she had too to keep her job and that she was protecting herself (she is the perfect example why women can get a bad rap). My point is this woman is a complete well, you know. It's been about two years since their separation and one year since their divorce. After her life has proven to be unstable she attempted to get Sean back. However, thank God that Sean is a smart person and realized that he was never happy with her and that he dealt with her because they were married and they had their daughter. So he has decided to tell her to take a hike and stay with me. Yeah for me!!! :)
Now what bothers me is that she has manipulated the system to get what she wanted out of the divorce. Her child is nothing more than a paycheck. I was looking at some older pictures of their daughter prior to the separation. The little girl was well maintained and well groomed. Since she has been in her mother's custody she has gone down hill in her appearance and her attention span has gone to nothing, don't get me started on other issues. She is starving for attention when she comes to our home and it breaks my heart that my boyfriend feels that he is fighting a battle he has no chance in because of the position she holds within the community. Not mention this woman is incharge of deciding the welfare of other children but she doesn't even pay attention to her own. I know from a very reliable source that she drinks her nights away with her live in boyfriend (which by the way is BF #2 in the short time they've been separated and divorce) Oh and did I mention her first which was who she left Sean for was her boss!!! Yes, her freakin boss, talk about trash!
Anyway, I just trying to figure out a way for him to get more time with his daughter. They have shared responsibility with primary residency at the mothers (so she gets the support). We live in the same town as his ex-wife as a matter of fact Sean has the same house with his daughters room neatly intact. Which also means that this was the house the daugther was registered in when she started school. However, the court still feels that it is not in the best interest for her to spend equal time with her father. I know what you are thinking and no there is no restraining order. She dropped it the day of their divorce so she could take care of money arrangements. I can go on and on but I'm sure you get the gist. Whatcha think?
ALL OVER THE PLACE
First I'd like to say hello to everyone. This is my first time ever starting a blog so if things seem a little off the wall or out in right field please bare with me. You see normally, I get a grip on my life by writing in my journal, this is something I've been doing since I was teenager. However, lately I've felt that it's just not enough. I realized that although it was theraputic, it wasn't helping me find answers to the various wrenches thrown into my life. Another reason is because I was reading my email from a friend of mine who had told me that the events in my life have inspired her to blog well I thought at first it was really cool but then I decided that if any bloging should be done on my life maybe I should be the one to do it. So here I am... You will find my blogs to touch on many subjects and I probably will not have any limitations. For right now I feel the need to fill you in on what's been going on in my "recent" past. So here it goes...
Where to start? I really don't know. Well, how about from when I moved down to Florida about two years ago. I'm a northern girl born and raised in NJ but consider to myself to be a true city girl (NY). I've lived a very fast paced life and decided that I wanted a change. So in January of 2006 me and my now ex fiance moved to Florida. We moved down here for many reasons but I now realize that all the reasons I moved weren't really valid reasons at all. To make a long story short things didn't really change between us and I finally hit my breaking and called off our engagement and left.
After that change in my life I met a wonderful person (Sean) who has been a real blessing in life. He is truly my other half, I don't think I've ever known what it was like to be happy with someone until I met him. We think the same about so many things, from personal values to music, etc.. and where we are opposite it is a positive thing in our lives. We started out really strong and for a short time there we did have some problems but we were able to get through them and I think those issues made us stronger.
I guess now would be a good time to fill you in on the problem(s) and where I am at now. I've decided to break it out into sections for much easier reading so stay posted and I'll have it up ASAP.